Romantic Crap, that it is just that, Crap

 *Disclaimer* This is not a post at all in reference to my husband. He is loving, kind and I love being married to him. This post is strictly about the icky feelings of being a military wife stuck in the middle of military life


Today is just a hard day. Thomas has been underway for 2 weeks and it is just wearing on me. On top of him being gone it has been four days since I heard anything from him. And for all you wives who say 'only four days well my goodness I have gone weeks' but I have no doubt at 4 days, 1 week, 2 weeks, etc. you are feeling the same way I am feeling right now. No matter how many days or weeks, when we don't hear from our guy it sucks. And what sucks even more is when you know the work environment they are in sucks too and there is nothing you can do about it. You just hope and pray they at least can read the e-mails you have sent so they aren't so miserable. Days like today nothing works. No romantic quotes about loving a sailor/solider through the distance, how it is all worth it stuff makes a no bit of difference. Because all I want to do is look at the person and roll my eyes and walk away. I am physically agitated, emotionally tired and frustrated. If I played soccer right now I would be playing till I probably hurt myself. Just playing till every inch of my body couldn't feel anymore.

   I know there is going to be that random person who by chance reads this and thinks oh how pathetic I sound and say well you signed up for this. You knew what you were getting into. And yes while I knew that I would be marrying a guy in the military, the Navy is a whole different animal than the military I knew. And just because you know the bridge is going to fall a part when you drive over it doesn't mean it hurts any less on the way down.
Over 75% of the time Thomas and I have been together we have been a part. We didn't expect that to happen but it did. We have made it work. And it is worth it. Through all the hard times apart I am so thankful for Thomas. It is not Thomas I am frustrated with. Thomas I know would be home in a heart beat. Thomas loves me and he loves being married to me. Just like I love being married to him.
Unless you have been or are going through this kind of life it is hard to understand.

You stuff emotions so you can survive. If you didn't you would be stuck on the couch in your pjs watching sad movies. (been there, done that). You find ways to move past the emotions and focus on what is in front of you. For me I spend a lot of time in prayer and my Bible. There are days I spend angry at God. But it helps me to know that he is watching over all of it. All of this isn't without purpose. That helps me make it through to the next moment. Then I put on my big girl panties and I start the day. Knowing that God is here with me. I don't have any motivation to do anything, but he gets me through to the next step. I would love for life to be put on hold until Thomas got back. But that isn't how life works. So I keep moving. One step at a time. The sadness and anger come. But then if I keep holding on to God's promises there is Joy.

I am angry, frustrated and sad. I am broken, heartbroken, and devastated by lost time and missed words. BUT......I am loved by Thomas and my God. More than I could have ever imagined. I have no job or specific purpose right now other than to be a wife who takes care of everything at home while my husband is away and do what God has asked me to do for each day. For now that is enough.

Pieces

Pieces


I sit here looking at the broken pieces not knowing what to do.
Each one a piece of this life that you have given me.
Energy, sweat and tears marking each piece.
As I sit here in the pile I wonder what on Earth I am suppose to do.
I cannot see how they go together.
Each one beautifully crafted by you.
Each one full of great significance.

I earnestly seek you God to show me what pieces go together.
You are the great designer and I am at a loss.
While I can see each separate piece I cannot see the puzzle.
I am tired and worn.
I cannot bear to carry the weight alone.
Show me Lord, please show me.

I do not have much to offer you.
I am weak and poor.
My strength grows weak and my heart grows faint......

BUT I choose this day to HOPE.
I put my HOPE in your great plan.
That you will not leave me to waste away.
You hear my cry in the midst of the uncertainty.
You hold my heart in the palm of your hand.

Hold the pieces in your hands Lord.
Place them together.
Show me where to go.
Help me to follow.
Be my strength and my guide.

Psalm 145

The Character of God:

   If you ever wonder who God is and what is his character all you have to do is spend some time reading through the Psalms and you will find Him.

Character of God revealed in Psalm 145:

  Some words I found that the Psalmist used to describe God and their definitions:

Gracious: marked by kindness and courtesy
Compassionate: feeling or showing concern for someone who is sick, hurt, poor, etc..
Faithful:firm in adherence to promises, having or showing true constant support
Loving: feeling or showing love
Righteous: morally right, free from guilt or sin

All that He does:

"slow to anger, rich in love..."
"upholds all those who fall, lifts up all who are bowed down..."
"satisfy the desires of every living thing..."
"is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth..."
"fulfills the desires of those who fear him..."
" hears their cry and saves them..."
"watches over all who love him...."


My response after reading, learning and experiencing  God is none other than praise to Him. Standing in awe of the things he has done and what he is going to do. I praise his name so others will come to know who he is, as the Psalmist put it. So others will know of his might and great wonders he has done.
 Verse 21: " My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever".

Be Still Little One.....

Be Still Little One....

Be still and listen little one for my direction....
You are worried and anxious,
fear not for I am with you....

Be still and rest little one....
You work hard and spend your time running around trying to hold things together,
let me hold the pieces in my hands and mold you to be the one I created you to be.....

Be still and rest little one....
Tears fall from your eyes and your heart is bursting in sadness,
 cry on my shoulder,
pour out your heart to me....
I am listening.....

Be still and know the I am God.....
You don't know where to to turn,
turn to me...
I hold the world in my hands and I am holding your hand,
I am there and I will not leave

Take courage little one...
When you feel like you have nothing left to give,
let me step in and fight for you and give you MY strength to finish the tasks at hand

Fear not little one.....
When you look at the future and don't know where to go next,
follow me,
I will direct your path ONE step at a time,
You may slip but I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

Feel my love little one....
When you feel alone,
when the world is beating on your tender heart,
when tragedy and the unexpected strikes,
MY love will be there.......

I AM the Lord your God.....NEVER will I leave you.....NEVER will I forsake you....This my dear you can count on.....I am here and I always will be.......

Psalm 150

      "Let everything that has breath praise the LORD....."


Prayer of Praise and Thankfulness:

   Praise him for a week of sunshine and warmth. When you step outside you are wrapped in the sun's comfort and warmth. A feeling I have missed. For the joy that comes in the sunshine. For the beauty that I can enjoy in the sunshine. Relaxing time spent by the water and for putting color back in my pasty white skin. 
 Thankful that in times of loneliness God has placed friendship. In the hard moments he is present and there by my side. 


"Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness..."

   I stand in awe and wonder at the works of God's power and majesty. That he paints the sky at night with color and beauty as the sun sets. In his power there is gentleness. The same God who can bring winds powerful enough to destroy houses can bring a gentle breeze to cool the night off. His mighty. With his strong hands he he holds the world together. With those same mighty hands he gently forms a baby in a mother's womb. How great mighty HE is. 


"Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens....."

Thankful that one day I will get to praise and honor my King in heaven. "In his mighty heavens"......what an amazing picture that brings to my mind. A place of wonder and majesty. There is a place for me one day. A place of peace and joy. No more sorrow, no more pain or struggle or strife. My heart longs for this place. To be with my God. 

   While I wait here in this earth I am thankful he is there with me. Thankful that no matter where I go he is watching over me. 


"PRAISE THE LORD!"