To Trust....

       When I babysit different kids it always makes for an interesting time when the kid I am watching is in the why stage. Everything you do or say to them they follow what you have said with the question why. Time to eat some lunch. Why? Let's go outside and play. Why? Every single thing is why. It is cute at first and I can stand to answer each why for a little while. But soon my patience gets thin and I stop answering the whys and just say because, because , because until they quit asking why. Right now I feel like I am the little kid asking God lots of whys with life events. Some days I just want to know why in the heck things are happening. I am tired of not knowing why things are going on or what is going to happen next. I am anxious over emotional and just at my end with things. Then with one conversation with my husband I realize what kind of God I serve and how amazing He is wether I see it or not. 

    Thomas is so good at seeing things in day to day life that I don't always see. He speaks more truth into my life that I realize. When I am all over the place God has given him the temperament to just speak plainly. God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me Thomas for a husband. In the car while we were stuck in traffic coming home from Seattle God used the conversation to speak. Some how we got on the topic of being anxious and worrying. Something I am a natural at. We talked about how when we worry and are anxious are we trusting in God? I can't remember the exact thought but the way he worded it made me think about the idea of worrying in a different way. I think what finally in my life hit my hard was that when I worry and I am anxious about things I am not trusting and leaning on God. I know something so simple, but the fact that I am not trusting in my completely trustworthy God really hit me.  And how I let my desire for control mess things up. And I was finally ale to realize how my husband can be so calm and care free in a sense during tense times. It has always bugged the crap out of me how Thomas can be so calm and nonchalant about high stress situations. To me it seemed like he really didn't care about anything important. 

   When we were going through premarital counseling there was a part about stress and on a scale of 0-100% of how stressed we are from the different areas of our life. My stress percentage of things that stressed me out was in the 90th percentile. No shocker there. The part that really shocked me was Thomas' results. During a time of extremely high stress he was in the 10th percentile. I was shocked. Not only at how opposite we were but that when we broke down the specifics and saw the list of stressors he only had like a handful of things on the list. My list went the whole length of the page. It has taken me almost 2 years of marriage to finally dig into my husband's head to understand and really know why. It all boils down to one word, TRUST. 
Not just any kind of trust. Trust in his heavenly father. Last year I realized just how much I don't really trust God and how little I trust people. That lack of trust really effected my relationship with Thomas and how I lived my life. I trust God with the big things I really know I can't control but even then I fight and tug to make sure I do everything I can before I give up control. 
    I desire to have the faith and trust in God that I see in my husband. I know though that he hasn't come about his faith simply by just sitting around. He studies and seeks after God daily. He chooses each day to follow God and trust Him even when things are so hard. I am thankful God gave me Thomas to go through life with. And for the many other brother and sisters in Christ he has given me to help support me and call me out on things. 
  I am no where close to figuring it all out but I know that God's spirit inside will continue to help me and guide me. When I do get anxious or stressed I can give it to God. 
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you". 
God cares for me. He wants me to give him my anxieties and trust him. He is completely trustworthy. I am so thankful that he never gives up on me and has patience to deal with all of my whys. :-) 

Picture Thomas took while in Hawaii.

Kindred Spirits

  Some people call them best friends, but I think I like how Anne Shirley, in Anne of Green Gables, described those friends who are like a long lost sisters. Anne descridbed them as kindred spirits. The kind of friend that you can talk to for hours, even if you haven't seen them in forever, and you can pick up where you left of. I have been blessed with a handful of such friends. With everything going on right now the sweet kindred spirit I miss so much right now is my sweet friend Keilah. 

This picture always cracks me up because it is the only time in my life I have ever had a black eye. And to top it all off I got it falling down the stairs at Keilah's house. This picture is also of the last day I was at Rochester. I can't believe it has been 3 years since I first stepped onto that campus. But I am so thankful God took me there to meet this sweet friend. And I am so excited for her that she will be a mommy soon. 

      Between Thomas being gone and dealing with so many emotional things right now I am so thankful for the sweet sister's in Christ. I am thankful for their prayers and support. Finding out about having endometriosis and different news from back home they have been such a blessing. I am thankful for the peace God has filled my heart with. And the support of my awesome husband. I am thankful for God's word. John 16:33 has been my verse of comfort this past week or so. 

" I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world".  John 16:33 

    Some days life really, really sucks. I know there have been many days this year where there is no other way to describe it. Life just sucks. I know with out a doubt that this is where God has brought us. I think that is what makes it so hard some days. It hurts to be here some days. But God is a God of order and he didn't just randomly stick us in this place. Through it God has grown me like crazy. And I am so thankful and just so blessed by it but that doesn't make it any easier. But I guess that is where is word comes in to help give us words of encouragement and remind me where my peace and joy come from. For a time when I first got out here that God had sent me away to Siberia. The weather was sure cold and gloomy enough to think that. I felt exiled and so very very alone. I have been completely broken here. But with those broken pieces God is putting me back together in a way I had no idea possible. And he is helping bring Thomas and I closer and build a marriage I didn't think was possible. 

I stand amazed at what God can do. I am also so very humbled. My heart is filled with God's peace and joy. I can face tomorrow because my God lives and He has conquered the world! 

The song that keeps repeating itself in my head is a song that I use to sing in bible school. The words are:

 My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do (clap clap) 

My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do.

The mountains our his. The valleys are his. The stars are his handwork to.

My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do. 

Counting the Days....


  So excited that in a matter of days Thomas will be home. We will have made it through the summer. He will only be back home for a couple of days but I am excited any ways because I have missed him. 

It has been a fun summer. I have gotten back into shape, almost finished a quilt sewn by hand, and have gotten to spend time with awesome friends. Made some homemade jam for the first time. And it is sooo yummy if I do say so myself. 

I have been so restless these past couple of days. Just tired of waiting for Thomas to be home and just have so many thoughts of my head. And just tired of the world and the nasty things in them and the people. At times I feel just bombarded by the things of this world and the negative message in it. I am tired of the hurtful words and the lack of compassion there is in people. 

All year what has really changed me is the attitude of thankfulness. As a daughter in christ I have so much to be thankful for. Even on days that are horrible and seem to be the end of the world I still have Christ and my relationship with him. And it is because of him I can be who I am right now. I still have so many things to learn and have a lot of growing to do. I wanted this summer to be able to have God's joy in my life even when things suck. And I have found that after a while I epically failed by myself. Without other Christians in my life to come along side me and help I wouldn't have made it through the summer so well. And I found when I spent time with God every day and found at least 3 things to be thankful for I didn't really have God's joy in my heart. 
Having a thankful and grateful heart is something God has really been working on in my heart. And God is showing me the fruits of having a thankful heart. 
Right now as much as I miss my husband I am so thankful I am married to such a sweet man. And thankful that time a part like this will not last forever. And as much as annie my cat is being a complete butt head right now I am so thankful for her and burt. This house would be so empty without them. I am hoping in the next week or so Annie will learn that jumping on the counters and my dresser are not ok. And that I love her. She loves my attention. And for a cat that is so weird. Cats usually could care less but not my cats. And I love them for that. 
Some days are easier than others but that is ok. As my mom reminded me of this morning, if every day was easy we would see no need for Christ. And I don't want to forget that. 

So many new things are beginning to start here soon. The biggest new start is school in September. I am so nervous that I will totally forget how to study and flunk my classes. It is has been almost 3 years since I have sat in a classroom and I am nervous. But God has given me a brain and an attitude to learn. Thomas will be in and out but I am so excited that we get to spend our anniversary, Christmas and Thanksgiving together. It will be the first time we get to spend the holidays together since we have been married. So I am very excited. 
Today I am choosing to be thankful and remember God's promises.