After almost nine months of being away my husband is finally home. It is still hard to believe. I am afraid if I close my eyes to long he will be gone again. I am so thankful it will be a little bit before he leaves again. It has been fun to not be alone any more. We have gotten to do some fun things together and just enjoy some time away from life for a little bit.
As much as it is fun and nice to have Thomas home it is a challenge. I have been alone for so long I have forgotten what it is like to really share a daily life with someone. And I have gotten a little bit more of a spit fire and need to relearn how to hold my tongue and be submissive again. It is also so crazy to see how much we each have grown and changed this year. It is literally like starting over at square one again. All the feelings of when I first met him. The good and the bad. Totally nervous and self consoius. Afraid of saying the wrong thing. Mourning the loss of who Thomas was and how I missed it all. How I am still missing the whole picture of all the little things that have changed him. It is not a bad thing just a huge in your face message of how much I missed. How I will never get that time back, and how I had really nothing to do with any of it. I had some input into is life on deployment, but only as much as an e-mail can. I am just sad I guess. I actually counted the days on how long we have been married and how much of that actual time we have ben together. We will have married three years this month which equals to around1,095 days I think. And he has only been home with me 405 of those days. Reminds me of the reason I quit counting and looking at the numbers. I can't change the facts. I am so thankful for my faithful Father in heaven who has kept us together. Through him we beat the odds. As many memories we have missed we have so many many more to look forward to.
We have a lot of new beginnings starting this new year. Learning how to be married for the first time since we have gotten married is going to be a challenge amid all of the other changes. God is really going to stretch and refine me this upcoming year. I am going to have to face a lot of my fears I have been avoiding. I am thankful though that this year I won't have to figure it all out by myself. One step at a time. One day at a time is all I can really do anyways. That is all God has asked me to do. Daily pick up my cross and follow him. The verse in Psalms that talks about God's word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path comes to my mind right now. I don't know the whole picture I just can see the steps in front of me.
