A New Beginning

After almost nine months of being away my husband is finally home. It is still hard to believe. I am afraid if I close my eyes to long he will be gone again. I am so thankful it will be a little bit before he leaves again. It has been fun to not be alone any more. We have gotten to do some fun things together and just enjoy some time away from life for a little bit. 

As much as it is fun and nice to have Thomas home it is a challenge. I have been alone for so long I have forgotten what it is like to really share a daily life with someone. And I have gotten a little bit more of a spit fire and need to relearn how to hold my tongue and be submissive again. It is also so crazy to see how much we each have grown and changed this year. It is literally like starting over at square one again. All the feelings of when I first met him. The good and the bad. Totally nervous and self consoius. Afraid of saying the wrong thing. Mourning the loss of who Thomas was and how I missed it all. How I am still missing the whole picture of all the little things that have changed him. It is not a bad thing just a huge in your face message of how much I missed. How I will never get that time back, and how I had really nothing to do with any of it. I had some input into is life on deployment, but only as much as an e-mail can. I am just sad I guess. I actually counted the days on how long we have been married and how much of that actual time we have ben together. We will have married three years this month which equals to around1,095 days I think. And he has only been home with me 405 of those days. Reminds me of the reason I quit counting and looking at the numbers. I can't change the facts. I am so thankful for my faithful Father in heaven who has kept us together. Through him we beat the odds. As many memories we have missed we have so many many more to look forward to.

 We have a lot of new beginnings starting this new year. Learning how to be married for the first time since we have gotten married is going to be a challenge amid all of the other changes. God is really going to stretch and refine me this upcoming year. I am going to have to face a lot of my fears I have been avoiding. I am thankful though that this year I won't have to figure it all out by myself. One step at a time. One day at a time is all I can really do anyways. That is all God has asked me to do. Daily pick up my cross and follow him. The verse in Psalms that talks about God's word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path comes to my mind right now. I don't know the whole picture I just can see the steps in front of me. 

I close my eyes...

               I close my eyes and there you are.......
  Your sweet handsome face with a smile that stretches from one ear to the next.
Your hand is in mine and I look down and see your wedding ring, and
                      remember that you are mine.

              I close my eyes and I see the tears....
The tears that fell down your check as you held me close.
Knowing that it would be a really long time before we would get
          to hold each other and see each other again.

          I close my eyes and I remember the starry night...
The starry night sky we stood under together and you kissed me for the first time.
      I can't help but smile and remember each time I see the stars.

    I close my eyes and I remember the sound of your heartbeat...
After a long hard day I dream about the night I can fall asleep
next to you with my head on your chest listening to the sound of
                      your strong steady heartbeat.

I miss you my love. Every time I close my eyes you are there. I miss my strong man. We have made it so far and we will make it to the end. I wish with everything inside of me I could hold you tonight. But I am so thankful I have a life time to make up for the moments we have missed. Stay safe my love. I will see you soon. :-*

6 Months

It is crazy how time does fly. I can't believe it was 6 months ago that I dropped Thomas off on base and said goodbye. A part of me feels like it was just yesterday. All the feelings and emotions are still around. The hard part is knowing that he isn't anywhere close to being home again. I can't believe the last time I got to talk to him and see his face at the same time was in July for 15 minutes over the satellite video teleconference. I think that is the part that makes it so hard. Not getting a chance to see his face regularly and missing hearing his voice. I really hate that the video I have of him on my computer got erased when I had to fix my computer. 

It hasn't been easy. There have been good days and bad ones. Sometimes bad weeks. I am so thankful though for the friends I have made and the really sweet memories I do have these past 6 months. 

My first big trip of the summer was to go to Tennessee to visit my grandparents for a week and my awesome friend Keilah. I loved spending time with my grandparents. They helped me finish a quilt I had been working on and start work on the second. I loved hearing all the stories about my family from my grandma and the walks I got to take with my grandpa. Sweet memories.

Got to spend some time with these two awesome ladies for a whole week! Loved every minute of it. Still can't believe we are old enough to be married and have babies :-) 

I got to go out to Pennsylvania and see my family for my little sister's graduation from the Discipleship Program at Miracle Mountain Missions Ranch. First time we had all been back together in 2 years. A long over due visit. Had a lot of fun being back together as a family. 

Also had some fun back in Virginia with my family after Laura's graduation. I got to visit Maymont in Richmond with my mom, Laura and Bradley. Got to tour the gardens and see the mansion as well. 

Maymont

 I also got to go and visit Williamsburg with my mom. Got to spend the whole day together just the two of us. Haven't gotten to do that in a very long time. I  was so thankful for the time together. 

Me eating at the King's Tavern in Williamsburg. Don't have any of me and mom but just know she was sitting on the other side of me :-) 

I also got to go hiking a couple of different times this summer as well. My favorite hike was going to Wallace Falls near Monroe. It was a beautiful day to go as well. 

Last but not least I got a chance to run in my first 5K run. It was really awesome for the fact that I got to be a part of raising $10,000 for building for a well in Africa. I got to run with my sweet friends Racael and Carmen. Will for sure be looking to try and run in a 5K again. Just have to let my leg heal. I managed to injure it some how back in August and it is still giving me problems. Hoping if I stay away from running until January it might heal on its own. We shall see. :-) 

I heard a song a couple of days ago that I have fallen in love with. Oceans by Hillsong. I just love the lyrics and just how it fits with where my heart is right now in the middle of deployment. 

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

God has stretched me beyond what I have thought possible this past 6 months. Each day God wakes me up and helps me get out of bed. There are so many days I would just love to sit in my pjs and just hide from the world. I hate that I have to work so hard just to get through simple tasks. God and I have had our rough patches this deployment. Sometimes I am just numb to everything around me, but he draws me back in and reminds me that he is there carrying me. He is good and He is faithful. I am thankful He never gives up on me. 

I love my husband so very much. Every day I pray that he stays safe and that soon I will get to hug him and hug him and see his handsome smiling face. One day at a time. 

Thoughts

    Seems lately that all my best time with God has been while I am running. Running has always been my time that I can get away and just go off in my world of thoughts. Today listening to a song about living for Christ it reminded me of why I am doing all that I am doing. I am working hard and getting into shape for Christ. So I can live to show his glory. It is why I want to be a nurse. I want to serve my King and that really is the only way I am going to succede. I can't do it without God. He is the one who gives me success and makes it possible for me to dream big. There is always someone out there who is smarter, faster, can hold a plank position longer than me or get more A's in a school year than I can. What makes me special is Christ. He has given me a plan and a special purpose. What I want to choose is to seek Him with all my heart and the rest will follow.
    I love running. Especially when it is nice and sunny out. So thankful for a sunny day today and a new day to live for God. I pray with all my heart my focus stays on Him. I can't do it without him.

" Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power..." Ephesians

A Week to Remember

   This week I will remember forever. So many amazing things have happened this week. For one, I got to see my mom who I haven't seen in almost a year. I have loved every moment of it. It has been fun to just catch up and laugh together. I have had so much fun showing her my house and the area. She also got me a sewing machine and made me an awesome dress. So excited about it! It has been so nice to have her here this week for support as I went through the process for donating bone marrow. The procedure I went through was different than what your normally think of when donating bone marrow. The procedure I went through is called Peripheral Blood Stem Cell donation, or PBSC. Unlike in a bone marrow donation where they surgically go into the bone, PBSC is non-surgical and takes it from my blood itself and sends it through a machine similar to a dialysis machine. When it goes through the machine it sorts through the cells and takes what it needs and then returns it back to my body.

   Five days before the procedure I was given a shot called Filgrastim which caused my body to produce more blood forming cells in my body. It was an interesting experience. :-) I became not so afraid of getting shots, and I found out that the more relaxed I was the less it hurt.

I am so thankful for the sweet nurse that God gave me for the week. Her name was Jeanene and she is a preacher's wife and the sweetest woman in the world. I enjoyed talking with her through the process. She prayed with me the last day of my shots and it was such a blessing and a comfort. Made me even more excited about becoming a nurse one day.

So form Sunday to Wednesday I went in each day to get a shot in each arm. After class on Wednesday Mom and I went down to our hotel for the night. The National Marrow Donor Program paid for us to stay in a hotel right across form the donation site. Another amazing blessing. From all the generous donations of people all across the country people the program could pay for our accommodations. 

It was so nice to be able to just relax in a nice comfy bed. I was so tired and sore in my lower back. I felt like a queen amongst all the soft pillows. Words can't even describe how unworthy I felt through this process. The National Marrow Program took such good care of us with accommodations. 

Thursday morning we woke up at 6;30 so we could be at the blood center by 7. That morning I got my last shot of Filgrastim. Afterwards mom and I went and ate lunch at a yummy cafe across the street for about an hour. From there we head back to the blood center for the donation procedure. 

Again the nurses were so amazing. After some initial prepping the put one steel needle in my right arm where the blood would be taken out, and one normal needle in my left arm where the blood would enter back into my body. The hardest part of it all was the fact that I couldn't bend my right arm at all because the steel needle would damage my veins. I didn't realize just how often you bend your elbows until I couldn't bend mine at all. So thankful for such compassionate nurses who helped adjust my arm and massage my arm muscles when my arm would begin to hurt so bad. My total volume of blood donation was 18 liters. The nurses told me based on my total body blood volume the blood had to completely circulate through my body about 5-6 times. The total procedure lasted about 4 hours and 30 minutes. My mom helped keep me distracted. And they had a nice set up to where we could watch movies while I was laying there. We watched episodes of Murphy Brown and the movie Leap Year. Helped me to laugh and stay distracted through it all. :-) 

The whole process has been so amazing. I still can't believe I was given the opportunity to be a part of something like this. I just keep praying hard for the patient and the family. That God would give them peace through the process and that God would protect the patient from infection. God has taught and shown me so much through this. That while I may be little has made me mighty. That I don't have to go out and be a big super hero kind of person to make a difference in the world. God can use me right here where I am at if I am willing. I don't have to have all the right words. I just have to be still and know that he is God and he works in and though every one. 

If you think you would like to make a difference just like I have or even by donating blood I would encourage you to do so. I know by being in blood centers they always need willing people to come donate blood or platelets. If you would like to join the Be the Match Registry to see if you one day might be a match like I was I posted the link at the end of the blog. 

God is so amazing and is just amazing at how he works everything together. I started this whole process at Rochester College in Michigan. The patient I donated to lives in Michigan. I am a small person and the patient ended up being a small person as well. He works all the together for the good, and he does it perfectly. I hope one day I get to hear from the patient but even if I don't I am just so thankful I got to be a part of the big picture. Please continue to pray for the family and the patient receiving the donation. Pray her body has received it well and that the patient would be protected form infection. 

http://marrow.org/Join/Join_the_Registry.aspx

Catch Up

     Ever find yourself just trying to play catch up with life? Would love life to just slow down so you can soak up every moment? That is where I am at right now. I wish time could just slow down so I could really remember and enjoy every moment of it. The past few days have been so much fun. The sun is finally out and it feels like spring. LOVING IT! Got to go roller blading yesterday and today with Thomas. That's right roller blading. The coolest thing ever. A lot more fun than walking but not as hard as running. Today we roller bladed from our house to the cold stone creamery down the street and back. It was about a 2 mile or so journey but really fun. I have loved laughing and just having fun with Thomas. Without having school constantly on the back of my mind it has been so nice to just relax and enjoy the moment. It never feels like there is enough time in a day to spend with Thomas, but I am so thankful I get all the sweet moments I do with him. He makes me laugh so hard my belly hurts. Life is never boring when he is around. I loved our date night last night to the Melting Pot in Seattle. We spent two and a half hours there and it was a blast. Good food and good company. What more could a gal ask for? Sitting here right now listening to him laugh while he plays video games with his brother and good friend online is priceless. The past week has really showed me all the many blessing in my life. The simple things in life are the best. Life is messy and hard, but it's the moments in life where time stops and God's joy fills you to the brim that makes all the mess worth the fight. If that makes any sense. Today I am thankful and filled with overflowing Joy.

Blessings

     Today is officially the first day of Spring. As I look outside and see a clear blue sky and beautiful sunshine I am reminded of all the amazing blessings in my life right now. First being the fact that you can actually see the sun and blue sky today. I will never get use to the rainy weather here in Washington. I am thankful to have made a B+ in my anatomy class and finally be on spring break.
I got to sleep in this morning and just have a nice relaxing day at home. First time in a while I have been able to completely relax and enjoy the day. Looking forward to Thomas coming home so we can run and bike together in this beautiful sunny weather.
    One very special blessing God has placed in my life right now is the chance to be a bone marrow donor. In 2010 when I sent in a cheek swab to the Be the Match Bone Marrow Donor Registry I never thought in a million years I would get the amazing blessing of being an actual match. I am doing a new kind of procedure where they don't have to go and drill into the bone itself but get the marrow cells from my blood. So it ends up being a fancy way of donating blood in a sense. Four days before the actual donation I take a shot that helps my body produce the marrow cells faster and in excess and then on the fifth day I go in and the put a needle in each arm. One sends blood through a cell sorting machine so they can get exactly what they need from the blood and then send the extra back to my other arm. It lasts about 4-6 hours. There is some symptoms and uncomfortableness but as a whole it is really not that strenuous of a procedure. I get to watch movies and hang out with my mom while it all is going on. I am really thankful she gets to come and be a part of this with me. Another big blessing is that the National Bone Marrow Donor group is flying my mom out at no cost to her so that is AMAZING. :-) So April 11th is my official donor day. Super excited and prayers for the recipent and family would be wonderful. Ever since the process has started I have been praying for the patient. I know from different people in my life who have had to go through a bone marrow transplant it can be a stressful and scary time for the patient and the family.
    God is so amazing. How he created the human body and how he made us in the way that he did. I am so thankful to be able to get to be a part of the big picture. I feel so very blessed and am just in awe of God. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed or pitiful me I start remembering the blessings. I am one blessed child of God.