Got an e-mail today form the EMT instructor about what will be coming at the end of the month. After going through all of the information four times, one resounding feeling of FEAR hit me in the face. While it is so exciting to think I get to be a part of an ER rotation and ambulance ride alongs, it is also so very terrifying. I get to finally learn how to save lives. What wouldn't be exciting about that? As soon as I have a slight feeling of excitement I am afriad. The question that comes to my mind every time is, can I do it? Will I be able to learn all the information I need to so I can pass the tests every class period? Will I be able to pass the midterm and final practical exams? Will I choke during the field work and totally mess up a patient? Will I be strong enough to lift and move a patient without causing more harm to a patient? And the answer to all these questions is............. I have no idea.
It is going to be the hardest 11 weeks of my life. I do know this much. I am going to be pouring over my textbook and studying till all hours of the night. I am going to get stressed and exhausted. Thomas is going to start his in and out schedule during this time. So there will be times I will be doing it all by myself again. Which just makes my heart sad. I know my brain can take in a lot of information in a short amount of time because I have already made it through anatomy. If I can make it through a class that demanded 40+ hours a week from me and a scary teacher to boot, I should be able to make it through the course work. I know one more important fact that supersedes it all. God has brought me here and he will see me through till the end. He will be there when I am alone. He has given me the ability to love on others and see their needs. He has given me a brain. Yep if God hadn't given me the brain probably wouldn't be here right now ;-) His grace is suffienct. He will give me what I need to finish. In the end he is the one who saves a life not me. I will just be a piece in a gigantic puzzle. These are the things I am going to have to remember for the next few months.
So much is going to happen in a short amount of time. It is hard to imagine that I will finally be able to make a real impact and be able to get a long term job. That we are down to 8 and a half months and Thomas will be moving on from the Navy. I have defiantly been compartmentalizing. If I think about everything to often my heart can't handle all of the different emotions. One day at a time. That is all I can do. Taking it one hour, one task at a time. In the hard moments knowing God will be there to carry me when I can't stand. That it is ok to have my weak moments and not have everything together. That in my weakness God will make me strong. His strength will shine through. That is my prayer. That I won't give way to fear. That I can stand confident in Christ not in my own strength. And that the people I will be spending a lot of time with will see where my strength comes from. There is more than one way to change and have a life be saved. :-)
I am humbled and in awe of my opportunity. Cannot wait to buy my stethoscope :-)
