The Ghosts that Follow Me

The Ghosts that Follow Me

In a city that I see the depths and the darkness it holds,
        the ghosts follow me.

I hear the piercing, gut wrenching cry of a mother who just lost her child.
I see her child's face. I see her weep. I grab my gear....
       and the ghosts follow me.

I see the teenagers blood on my hands,
I smell the iron. Nothing I do can get the smell of blood out of my nose.
I am handed a graduation medallion and my heart breaks.
         the ghosts follow me.

I am greeted by a loved one and they tell me their dearly loved spouse is really sick.
We move their loved one to our gurney and I hear the last breath they take.
We call for an extra unit and start compressions.
         the ghosts follow me.

I hold the hand of a patient going to a care facility for their lasts moments on Earth.
As they struggle to breath, I sit there and talk to them about the weather.
I tell them they are not alone.
Family is not there waiting for them at the destination. They are alone. So I sit there and hold their hand.
         the ghosts follow me.

I see the car in flames. I see the two people inside.
I pray like I never prayed before that the trauma got them first.
      the ghosts follow me

I see the one who was forgotten. Who was cast out.
Who looks me in the eyes and shows me they have nothing left. They can't fight any longer.
Why does it matter no one wants them anyways.
I try my hardest to talk. To come up with words to fill the darkest, deepest void.
I am speechless.
I walk them to the hospital bed. I grab my gear....
    the ghosts follow me


Every day it seems like a new ghost comes. I fall asleep and they are there. Any form of iron smell puts me back in the ambulance. I cannot drive through the city without feeling the sadness and heartache that cries out. Will I ever be able to remove these ghosts?

A light calls out in the darkness.
One of Hope.
One of Love.
A father who calls his children to him
One who says to cast all your cares on him.

Then before the cross I kneel. I cry. I wail.
LORD why so much pain! Why so much sadness! Why did you put me there.

I kneel before the Father. One by one, I show him the ghosts that follow me.
He listens. He reminds me that he is there. He is there in the darkness.
He despises evil. He reminds me that I am weak....BUT..... HE is STRONG.
The LORD God never leaves me. He is there in the midst of sadness.

In this world you will have struggles but take heart.....I have overcome the world. His promise.
One day there will be no more sadness. No more pain.
I will help place your ghosts to rest.

I lay my head on my pillow and sleep. Where there once was darkness there is light.



"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."   John 1:1-5