Thomas is so good at seeing things in day to day life that I don't always see. He speaks more truth into my life that I realize. When I am all over the place God has given him the temperament to just speak plainly. God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me Thomas for a husband. In the car while we were stuck in traffic coming home from Seattle God used the conversation to speak. Some how we got on the topic of being anxious and worrying. Something I am a natural at. We talked about how when we worry and are anxious are we trusting in God? I can't remember the exact thought but the way he worded it made me think about the idea of worrying in a different way. I think what finally in my life hit my hard was that when I worry and I am anxious about things I am not trusting and leaning on God. I know something so simple, but the fact that I am not trusting in my completely trustworthy God really hit me. And how I let my desire for control mess things up. And I was finally ale to realize how my husband can be so calm and care free in a sense during tense times. It has always bugged the crap out of me how Thomas can be so calm and nonchalant about high stress situations. To me it seemed like he really didn't care about anything important.
When we were going through premarital counseling there was a part about stress and on a scale of 0-100% of how stressed we are from the different areas of our life. My stress percentage of things that stressed me out was in the 90th percentile. No shocker there. The part that really shocked me was Thomas' results. During a time of extremely high stress he was in the 10th percentile. I was shocked. Not only at how opposite we were but that when we broke down the specifics and saw the list of stressors he only had like a handful of things on the list. My list went the whole length of the page. It has taken me almost 2 years of marriage to finally dig into my husband's head to understand and really know why. It all boils down to one word, TRUST.
Not just any kind of trust. Trust in his heavenly father. Last year I realized just how much I don't really trust God and how little I trust people. That lack of trust really effected my relationship with Thomas and how I lived my life. I trust God with the big things I really know I can't control but even then I fight and tug to make sure I do everything I can before I give up control.
I desire to have the faith and trust in God that I see in my husband. I know though that he hasn't come about his faith simply by just sitting around. He studies and seeks after God daily. He chooses each day to follow God and trust Him even when things are so hard. I am thankful God gave me Thomas to go through life with. And for the many other brother and sisters in Christ he has given me to help support me and call me out on things.
I am no where close to figuring it all out but I know that God's spirit inside will continue to help me and guide me. When I do get anxious or stressed I can give it to God.
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you".
God cares for me. He wants me to give him my anxieties and trust him. He is completely trustworthy. I am so thankful that he never gives up on me and has patience to deal with all of my whys. :-)
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| Picture Thomas took while in Hawaii. |
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