can't sleep....

Just can't seem to fall asleep tonight. Even though my body is tired and I am just over all tired. My body lately just doesn't like me. My body decides it doesn't like the birth control I am taking so it wants to cause me extreme pain in my gut and cause me so much distress. Then a a week later after all that was over a virus wants to make a home in my lower back muscles. Thankfully it went away within a week out of my back just taking another form in sores in my mouth and lots of chest congestion and just all over body tiredness. On top of all of that I am just sad and overwhelmed. Sad because my husband is gone right now and just lots of things to take care of with getting ready for the trip to San Diego. I'm just concerned that I will forget stuff about the house that I can't forget. I am so thankful I get to hear my husbands voice every day and that I can skype with him tomorrow it's just not the same. Just little things that go on that I miss. Our crazy discussion that we get into. SOmetimes over silly things like what color the sky is. I just love seeing all the passion that comes out of Thomas. I miss being able to kiss him whenever I want. Or hold his hand or just ride with him in the car. I knew all of this was going to be hard. But it didn't get really hard until I had a whole month to spend with my husband. To know what it's like to have him home every night. Weird right. To get use to having my husband home. Well it was great. And I am so glad God gave us the chance to be around each other and just enjoy being a silly newly wed couple. We had the best time together before he left. I don't think I have ever smiled so much in my life than the day before Thomas left. It was perfect. The best day a girl could ask for.

Back in February when he was away for the month the house just didn't seem so empty. I've been trying so hard to find a reason to stay away form the house in the afternoon. The morning it's not so bad because that is when Thomas is usually away when he is home. I miss him.

But I couldn't be more proud of him. He works hard at all that he does. I wouldn't wish it right now to be any other way. If he hadn't been in the Navy there is no way we could be together married right now. Great things in life don't come without some form of sacrifice. And I have been given something very special. I only miss him so much because I love him so much. I am very thankful to have some one special to miss in my life. I know that no matter what there is someone in this world who loves me very much. And that is worth any sacrifice.

John 3:16 " For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. That who so ever believeth in him shall not perish but have everlasting life".

and life keeps on moving

So it is now the end of April. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. Lots of things have been going on. After a week of being sick and with terrible back pain I am finally on my way back to being me again. Thomas is off and away in San Diego. My little sister went to senior prom and next month will graduate from high school. My dad found out that after many long years he will finally be able to retire September 30, 2010 from the Army. Lots of crazy stuff.

Tonight it's just me hanging out at the house. I don't know why but lately it's just been weird to be at the house by myself. I try as hard as I can to stay away. The house just seems so empty right now. Thomas has been gone only 10 days so far and it already seems like forever. I think this time around I just don't want to get to comfortable in my routine while he is gone. When Thomas is away for a while it always feels so weird and just sad to get use to him being gone. Almost to the point where you forget even what it's like to have him home. You remember and wish it could be that way but I don't know. I'm just lonely right now I guess. And I guess it is one thing to have him off and away on a ship and another to have him just 1200 miles away in the states. Just far enough away.

I have been trying to get back into doing my bible study. For a while I just felt so disconnected from it all and not really getting anything. My mind would be everywhere and I just couldn't get myself to be still to get into the word. Today was good because I read in my study on peace. What stood out to me was about the Phil. 4 passage where it talks about do not be anxious about anything... in the study it said how the promise from the scripture is not being taken away form our anxious moments and trials but that God will give us peace that transcends all understanding to handle and live through those times. That really hit me. For a long time I thought if I give everything over to God and pray about them all he will deliver me from the and all will be done. He will take away the things that make me worry and be anxious. But it doesn't say that it Phillipians. But it promises us so much more. Peace. Something I and many others in this world seek. We give our requests to God and lay the situations before him and He gives us peace to understand and deal with those situations. How amazing is that. Something I will remember. :-) Or at least try to.

I have a busy week on my hands. Laundry to do, phone calls to make, cookies to bake, a cake to make, and packing and preparing for the tri down to San Diego and Alabama. I am not in want of things to do this week. That is for sure. But I am thankful that I am able to do the tasks at hand. And that I have a family and a husband that loves me.