Love of my Life

   Why? What a loaded question. Sometimes there is an answer and sometimes there really is no answer to our why questions. For me I am wondering why in the heck a long deployment is so overwhelming. WHen you really look at it,  it is just such a brief moment in time compared to the rest of life. But why on earth does the idea of it seem so hard? They are not gone forever and you still get to talk with the one you love. But yet the very idea of it makes me just deeply sad. Out of all the branches in the military my husband chose the safest. So why do I worry about him not coming home? To the point I am hyperventilating in the shower and just crying so many tears. I don't mind being alone and I have so much to keep track of right now I don't know how in the world I would keep up with my husband. And the more I get into school the more busy I will become. I won't know what to do with myself. And how on earth could one person captivate my heart and life so much that the absence of him seems like life is ending?
    One man has captivated my heart and unending attention. In the romance movies you see people falling in love, leaving all behind and following that person to end of the earth kind of passion. Like every girl I wanted that someone special to think I was something special. Being with Thomas makes me feel whole and complete. I had no idea on how much I was missing in my life. And by growing closer with God would reveal to me such a special heart. I guess I just need to tell you all about the wonderful man I got lucky enough to marry. Every time Thomas is gone I always tell him the one thing I miss the most is his laugh. Oh my goodness if you have ever been around Thomas long enough to hear him laugh.....you can't help but smile or laugh with him. It is such an infectious laugh. I never laugh as much or in the same way, than when I am with Thomas. His laughter reaches all the way to his eyes. His eyes say so much about him. Just by looking at his eyes I can tell if he is hurt or just sad. I could get lost forever in those eyes.  And he has that look. That look where you know he loves you more than life itself. It melts my heart every time. And he snacks more than any person I have ever been around. He is always munching on something. It is just trying to keep healthier choices of food in the house for him to munch on. With this knew diet I am on it has helped with that some. He eats more sweets than any person I know. And the fact that he is not a diabetic amazes me. He is a clean freak but so messy all at the same time. He believes with all his heart and has such a strong passion for the Lord. There are so many memories of him that I think about all the time.
The memory I love to think about is all the silly times we will be at home listening to music and he will come over to me, pull me up, and we will just start dancing all over the house. By the end of it I can hardly breath because I am laughing so much. And always he picks me up and twirls me around. I love having me a strong husband. I get all the piggy backs I never got growing up. :-) But when the day is done and all the madness is over we get to be home together. When we were dating the hardest part was seeing him leave to go to his house or go back to whereever he was at in the country at the time. We both couldn't wait to be married because at the end of the day we wouldn't have to say goodbye. We could say goodnight.
   If you couldn't tell already, I love my husband to pieces. I would give anything right now just to hear his voice. But what I am thankful for is we have the best glue keeping us together through all the craziness of life. From the time we started dating I called it God glue. He is what binds us together and keeps us together after all this time a part. And as we get closer to being a part for a while I know that God glue will keep us together. Take every moment captive. My husband and the memories we have already only after such a short time together are so sweet to my heart. I love you Thomas Childress. And nothing will ever change that. <3

To Trust....

       When I babysit different kids it always makes for an interesting time when the kid I am watching is in the why stage. Everything you do or say to them they follow what you have said with the question why. Time to eat some lunch. Why? Let's go outside and play. Why? Every single thing is why. It is cute at first and I can stand to answer each why for a little while. But soon my patience gets thin and I stop answering the whys and just say because, because , because until they quit asking why. Right now I feel like I am the little kid asking God lots of whys with life events. Some days I just want to know why in the heck things are happening. I am tired of not knowing why things are going on or what is going to happen next. I am anxious over emotional and just at my end with things. Then with one conversation with my husband I realize what kind of God I serve and how amazing He is wether I see it or not. 

    Thomas is so good at seeing things in day to day life that I don't always see. He speaks more truth into my life that I realize. When I am all over the place God has given him the temperament to just speak plainly. God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me Thomas for a husband. In the car while we were stuck in traffic coming home from Seattle God used the conversation to speak. Some how we got on the topic of being anxious and worrying. Something I am a natural at. We talked about how when we worry and are anxious are we trusting in God? I can't remember the exact thought but the way he worded it made me think about the idea of worrying in a different way. I think what finally in my life hit my hard was that when I worry and I am anxious about things I am not trusting and leaning on God. I know something so simple, but the fact that I am not trusting in my completely trustworthy God really hit me.  And how I let my desire for control mess things up. And I was finally ale to realize how my husband can be so calm and care free in a sense during tense times. It has always bugged the crap out of me how Thomas can be so calm and nonchalant about high stress situations. To me it seemed like he really didn't care about anything important. 

   When we were going through premarital counseling there was a part about stress and on a scale of 0-100% of how stressed we are from the different areas of our life. My stress percentage of things that stressed me out was in the 90th percentile. No shocker there. The part that really shocked me was Thomas' results. During a time of extremely high stress he was in the 10th percentile. I was shocked. Not only at how opposite we were but that when we broke down the specifics and saw the list of stressors he only had like a handful of things on the list. My list went the whole length of the page. It has taken me almost 2 years of marriage to finally dig into my husband's head to understand and really know why. It all boils down to one word, TRUST. 
Not just any kind of trust. Trust in his heavenly father. Last year I realized just how much I don't really trust God and how little I trust people. That lack of trust really effected my relationship with Thomas and how I lived my life. I trust God with the big things I really know I can't control but even then I fight and tug to make sure I do everything I can before I give up control. 
    I desire to have the faith and trust in God that I see in my husband. I know though that he hasn't come about his faith simply by just sitting around. He studies and seeks after God daily. He chooses each day to follow God and trust Him even when things are so hard. I am thankful God gave me Thomas to go through life with. And for the many other brother and sisters in Christ he has given me to help support me and call me out on things. 
  I am no where close to figuring it all out but I know that God's spirit inside will continue to help me and guide me. When I do get anxious or stressed I can give it to God. 
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you". 
God cares for me. He wants me to give him my anxieties and trust him. He is completely trustworthy. I am so thankful that he never gives up on me and has patience to deal with all of my whys. :-) 

Picture Thomas took while in Hawaii.

Kindred Spirits

  Some people call them best friends, but I think I like how Anne Shirley, in Anne of Green Gables, described those friends who are like a long lost sisters. Anne descridbed them as kindred spirits. The kind of friend that you can talk to for hours, even if you haven't seen them in forever, and you can pick up where you left of. I have been blessed with a handful of such friends. With everything going on right now the sweet kindred spirit I miss so much right now is my sweet friend Keilah. 

This picture always cracks me up because it is the only time in my life I have ever had a black eye. And to top it all off I got it falling down the stairs at Keilah's house. This picture is also of the last day I was at Rochester. I can't believe it has been 3 years since I first stepped onto that campus. But I am so thankful God took me there to meet this sweet friend. And I am so excited for her that she will be a mommy soon. 

      Between Thomas being gone and dealing with so many emotional things right now I am so thankful for the sweet sister's in Christ. I am thankful for their prayers and support. Finding out about having endometriosis and different news from back home they have been such a blessing. I am thankful for the peace God has filled my heart with. And the support of my awesome husband. I am thankful for God's word. John 16:33 has been my verse of comfort this past week or so. 

" I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world".  John 16:33 

    Some days life really, really sucks. I know there have been many days this year where there is no other way to describe it. Life just sucks. I know with out a doubt that this is where God has brought us. I think that is what makes it so hard some days. It hurts to be here some days. But God is a God of order and he didn't just randomly stick us in this place. Through it God has grown me like crazy. And I am so thankful and just so blessed by it but that doesn't make it any easier. But I guess that is where is word comes in to help give us words of encouragement and remind me where my peace and joy come from. For a time when I first got out here that God had sent me away to Siberia. The weather was sure cold and gloomy enough to think that. I felt exiled and so very very alone. I have been completely broken here. But with those broken pieces God is putting me back together in a way I had no idea possible. And he is helping bring Thomas and I closer and build a marriage I didn't think was possible. 

I stand amazed at what God can do. I am also so very humbled. My heart is filled with God's peace and joy. I can face tomorrow because my God lives and He has conquered the world! 

The song that keeps repeating itself in my head is a song that I use to sing in bible school. The words are:

 My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do (clap clap) 

My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do.

The mountains our his. The valleys are his. The stars are his handwork to.

My God is so BIG! So strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do. 

Counting the Days....


  So excited that in a matter of days Thomas will be home. We will have made it through the summer. He will only be back home for a couple of days but I am excited any ways because I have missed him. 

It has been a fun summer. I have gotten back into shape, almost finished a quilt sewn by hand, and have gotten to spend time with awesome friends. Made some homemade jam for the first time. And it is sooo yummy if I do say so myself. 

I have been so restless these past couple of days. Just tired of waiting for Thomas to be home and just have so many thoughts of my head. And just tired of the world and the nasty things in them and the people. At times I feel just bombarded by the things of this world and the negative message in it. I am tired of the hurtful words and the lack of compassion there is in people. 

All year what has really changed me is the attitude of thankfulness. As a daughter in christ I have so much to be thankful for. Even on days that are horrible and seem to be the end of the world I still have Christ and my relationship with him. And it is because of him I can be who I am right now. I still have so many things to learn and have a lot of growing to do. I wanted this summer to be able to have God's joy in my life even when things suck. And I have found that after a while I epically failed by myself. Without other Christians in my life to come along side me and help I wouldn't have made it through the summer so well. And I found when I spent time with God every day and found at least 3 things to be thankful for I didn't really have God's joy in my heart. 
Having a thankful and grateful heart is something God has really been working on in my heart. And God is showing me the fruits of having a thankful heart. 
Right now as much as I miss my husband I am so thankful I am married to such a sweet man. And thankful that time a part like this will not last forever. And as much as annie my cat is being a complete butt head right now I am so thankful for her and burt. This house would be so empty without them. I am hoping in the next week or so Annie will learn that jumping on the counters and my dresser are not ok. And that I love her. She loves my attention. And for a cat that is so weird. Cats usually could care less but not my cats. And I love them for that. 
Some days are easier than others but that is ok. As my mom reminded me of this morning, if every day was easy we would see no need for Christ. And I don't want to forget that. 

So many new things are beginning to start here soon. The biggest new start is school in September. I am so nervous that I will totally forget how to study and flunk my classes. It is has been almost 3 years since I have sat in a classroom and I am nervous. But God has given me a brain and an attitude to learn. Thomas will be in and out but I am so excited that we get to spend our anniversary, Christmas and Thanksgiving together. It will be the first time we get to spend the holidays together since we have been married. So I am very excited. 
Today I am choosing to be thankful and remember God's promises. 

Daily Bread

" Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ' Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God". Proverbs 30:8-9




    Today in my quiet time I came across that verse. "give me only my daily bread...". Being a newly married young couple, who were both unemployed for the most part until about 9 months before the wedding, we are not living on thousands and thousands of dollars. Like all young married couples we have to be careful on how we spend our money. Growing up I was always conscious of how I spent things. Out of my sisters and I, I  would always be the one who would come back after a trip with the most money left over.  With Thomas gone so much I am the one who keeps a close eye on all the finances. Going from a poor college student with no bills to being in charge of a whole household was a big step for me. Many many times it has been a huge stressor. After Thomas got back and we both looked at everything related to our finances, we both began to realize just how blessed we are. The things we were able to do and the money we were able to save just blew our mind. Then today coming across the verses in proverbs really hit home how not only has God provided our daily bread, but he has given us above and beyond that. I am so thankful and just so amazed at God's provision for us.  Another verse in Proverbs that has stood out to me is Proverbs 28:27.
"He who gives to the poor will lack nothing, but he who closes his eyes to them receives many curses". 


God has provided above and beyond what we could have imagined in our circumstance and because of that I need to always remember to share the abundance that we have to those who are not as fortunate as we are. 




30 days of Thankfulness


Day 2: 


1. I am thankful for the Navy.
I am so thankful that Thomas was able to join the Navy. It is because of the Navy we can live how we do and it is the reason we were abel to get married. 


2. I am thankful for the sunshine today. 
In an area where there is not a whole lot of sunshine, I am on cloud nine because I get to enjoy the beautiful sun. After living here in Washington I will never take the sunshine for granted. 

" I am with you always...."

" And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age". Matt. 28:21b (ESV)


    All morning that verse has been popping into my head. With Thomas being gone the thing I hate the most, and causes the most fear, is being alone. Being at the house, by myself a lot, can be very discouraging and just hard some days. It makes me have to face my fear of being alone. But today through my quiet time ,and working out, God blessed me with this verse. Made me realize that the thought that I am alone is a thought form satan. Truly I am not alone. :-) God is so cool like that.
A habit I want to get into is finding something everything day to be thankful for. It is easy to be pitiful and woe is me. That is a habit I don't want to get into. I am determined to not let my joy be taken away from me. Not matter what the circumstance I want to find God's joy always present in my life. I have been told that it takes 30 days to form a habit so for 30 days I am going to be very intentional in finding the number of day I am on things to be thankful for.


Day 1: I am thankful that I am truly not alone.

 God has placed so many people in my life. My family, church family, navy wives, and two awesome cats. Also for giving me my husband.  Even though he is far a way at the moment I have someone to share all the silly things in life with. Someone to just be me with and challenge me. And someone to share my faith and walk with God. And above all of that, I am so glad my heavenly father is in my life. He fills my heart with joy, peace and comfort at times when no one else can. :-)

It has been just over two weeks since I last saw my husband smile and got the chance to kiss him. But that just means I am that much closer to seeing him again. :-)





     

New Beginnings.....

Lots of new beginnings in life right now. A lot of time has gone by since I have even written an entry. We have made it through a 6 month deployment. Added to our small little family and Thomas has moved ships. And that is just scratching the surface. We are almost half way through our second year of marriage. Hard to believe. Thomas is now on an aircraft carrier! The USS Nimitz. We are so thankful to finally be done with the Ingraham. Thomas says so far things are looking better and better now being on the Nimitz. And I am thankful he is in a new work environment that isn't so harsh. Thomas has been home for about 2 and half months without any major underways and it has been the best time ever. The longest we have been together in a row since we have been married. And I have enjoyed being married and having my husband around. The only downside to the new ship is that this year it is getting ready for deployment so a lot of being gone. He leaves soon to be gone for a couple of months but I have enough things going on that the time will go by fast. 

Our new addition to our family, miss Annie the cat. :-) She is something else. She has quit the personality. She can be such a bully to Burt. Last night burt was laying in his box on the cat castle and she climbed up to him jumped in his boxed, started bugging him, and pushed him out of his box. We felt so bad for Burt and just couldn't believe how much of a bully annie could be. But I think more than anything she just wanted Burt to play with her. Burt sleeps more than she does and she is so active. And she likes people food. Burt could care less for the food we eat but not annie. Last night I put my dinner on the table and I walked away to go to the kitchen for something. I looked back and annie was jumping off the table with a pice of my chicken in her mouth. And she scarfed the whole thing down before I could take it form her. They both keep us on our toes that is for sure. But they are the best when you just need someone to snuggle with. Burt was a life saver during deployment. And I know they will be great company when Thomas is gone. 

The craziest part of this year so far I think has to be when we got a foot and a half of snow in January. I felt bad because that is all Emily got to see of Washington during her short visit here but it was still cool to see. I still can't believe there was enough snow to build that big of a snowman and the ground still be covered in snow. It was an experience that is for sure. One I hope I don't have to live through again any time soon. 

Right now the verse that keeps coming to my mind is Malachi 3:6 "I the Lord do not change...". There have been lots of changes and lots of changes still to come in my life right now. But this reminds me that everything around me might be changing but my God is forever and always the same. And that is my peace.